Every Thought I had During Ransom Canyon

(All the thoughts I remember, I'm still on drugs)

1. How are these people related?

2. These related-or-unrelated people are all very good-looking.

3. Is John Duhamel named Statin? (I looked it up several episodes later, he’s named Staten, like the island, not Statin, like a cholesterol drug.)

4. Everyone on this show drives an incredible old Ford.

5. Ooh, it’s Dawn, from Ricky Nicky Dicky and Dawn! She looks great, I’m so happy for her.

6. Minka Kelly must really like Texas.

7. Who did the costumes for this show? They deserve to be paid double.

8. Ditto for the interior design. I want paint swatches.

9. Did Joanna Gaines do this?

10. Is that James Brolin? (It is James Brolin.)

11. There are a lot of vests. Do men in Texas wear this many vests? I’m not against it, just wondering.

12. Okay, WHO is related? I still can’t tell.

13. Every woman in this small Texan town wears extremely fancy underwear.

14. The best thing about Josh Duhamel (currently) in his forelock.

15. The best thing about Josh Duhamel (full stop) is All My Children.

16. I think I need a Ford.

17. What year is it?

18. The men on this show have body hair and I like it. When did movies and television decide that men shouldn’t have body hair? There was even BUTT hair on this show. Bold!

19. These people (teenagers, adults, old people) all drink whiskey allll day long. How does that work in Texas? This is a real question. When I have a glass of wine at a fancy lunch I am RUINED for the rest of the day.

20. Do you remember how good Nashville (the musical drama) was? It was good. Those songs were good. Justice for pied-a-terre.

21. Minka Kelly’s silky bias-cut dresses are to die for.

22. I want some barbecue.

23. Everyone is someone’s nephew but they are also all sleeping with each other so I really still have no idea what’s going on.

24. I want to know Minka’s skincare routine and she looks so great in a dress and rainboots!!

25. The bad guy (I think) has a very good nose.

26. What was the vintage car budget for this show?

27. Is this what it’s like to grow up in Texas?

28. There hasn’t been a single gun on this show and also not a single Buccees which is real plus/minus.

29. Josh Duhamel might, in fact, being doing a Timmy Riggins impression.

30. I think a want to buy a ranch.

31. The Sheriff also has a really good nose. The middle-aged hotties are really doing it on this show.

32. Good wallpaper. Good chairs. Good upholstery.

33. How many hours have I been watching this show? Am I in Texas?

34. It’s kind of like Schitt’s Creek in that there is only one restaurant in town.

35. LOL Minka is supposed to be a gifted pianist, I’m sorry, I don’t think so.

36. Here are some of the names on this show: Davis, Yancy. That’s in addition to Statin. This seems like it’s probably Texas versimilitude.

37. Oooh Minka’s boyfriend (the hulk from Imagine Dragons) got a part. OMG and he’s from Midland which is basically where Fridays Night Lights took place and so in this parallel universe, Minka’s boyfriend is from the fictional town she grew up in?? I love it, who made this, I love it.

38. I wish I knew which of these actors were British. My best guess is the guy who wears the vests. I’m going to guess he’s had 12 different vests on. Who has that many vests? (I looked it up, he’s Irish.)

39. James Brolin is 100% going to die.

40. I’m so happy that James has Barbra.

41. A wolf came to find James Brolin and then he died.

42. There are too many characters.

43. I like a man with a bracelet.

44. Minka’s boyfriend is not a great actor but just imagine how much fun this was for the two of them.

45. I LOVE this painted background.

46. So many people on this show seem capable of murder.

47. I want to ride a horse through a stream.

48. I only have one episode left and I still don’t understand how these people are related.

49. I want a porch.

50. No wait I want to be BURIED on a ranch.

51. The actual running of a ranch sounds hard, though.

52. I still don’t know anyone’s name.

53. Mmmm bolo ties.

54. Are James Brolin and Josh Duhamel related?

55. Man, remember the score to Friday Night Lights?

56. Line-dancing looks fun. Several of our booksellers go line-dancing! Do you go line-dancing?

57. No one has sweat a single drop over the last ten episodes. What month is it?

58. Let’s get more of Minka’s sister next season.

59. Texas Forever.

Ransom Canyon now available on Netflix, this post has been sponsored by my pain medication.