I Took An Actual Vacation

Sorry sorry to all my friends in LA

Before I tell you all about my vacation, a favor!

If you have literally thirty seconds to nominate Books Are Magic for the Best in Brooklyn, that would be much appreciated! You can use my name and info@booksaremagic.net for the email! Our address is 122 Montague St, or 225 Smith St, and our phone number is 718-246-BOOK! (2665). Thank you in advance!

This week, my husband and I dropped our kids off with my in-laws and then took a vacation on our own. It’s the first time we’ve been away without the kids in five years, and even then, the trips we took sans kids were always work things anyway, and so even though we went to Los Angeles, a city where we know 1000000 people, we didn’t tell anyone we were coming. If you’re reading this and you’re my friend and you live in LA, I’m sorry! I love you! I will take you out for dinner next time! Sometimes you just need to hide, you know? The world is on fire, the country is on fire, everything in terrible and we all need to find ways to recharge when we can.

I read two books in the first 24 hours, and this is what they were. Sandwich is selling like hotcakes, and if you’re on Substack, and here, you probably also read Catherine Newman’s very excellent newsletter, Crone Sandwich. If you don’t, you should! She is very very funny and there is a lot of good food writing and relatable parenting content.

A Novel Love Story is by one of my fave romance writers, Ashley Poston. I loved her book The Dead Romantics and this one, like her others, is a romance twinged with fantasy—not dragon fantasy, just slightly tweaked reality fantasy. In this one, a romance reader drives into a fictional town and encounters all the characters from her favorite series. Cute cute cute.

Our hotel has Diptyque products (a plus) but no shower curtain (a minus.) Mostly we are eating. Here is where we’ve eaten: Pine and Crane, Sqirl, Gjelina, Musso + Frank, various taco trucks, Erewhon. Here is what I look like when I am happily eating.

You have never seen someone so thrilled to spend one zillion dollars on nicely packaged products. We did get the Hailey Bieber smoothie. It was gross.

We hiked through the cliffs above Malibu. We saw snakes and lizards and flowers and the ocean. Then, more importantly, we went to a vintage store in Topanga Canyon and I lost my flipping marbles.

How was this dress not previously in my closet? Why does anyone ever wear anything that isn’t a fuchsia muu muu with hand embroidered designs on it? What a horrible way to go through life! Thank god that problem is fixed.

I wrote a draft of an exciting writing project that is currently top secret but is literally so thrilling that you are all going to absolutely drop dead when you hear the news. (This is not hyperbole, this is a fact.) (Okay, you won’t drop dead, but you may want to high five my inner child from your inner child.)

We went to Skylight and harassed our former events director, Michael, who is now their events director, and then the second he was out of our eyesight, we spent about ten minutes talking about how wonderful he is. Then we went to Blockshop and bought beautiful things and never ever wanted to leave. I’m still waiting on the Stockman sisters to decide they need another tall blonde (they have plenty) to join their family, will just twiddle my thumbs while they consider.

We had steaks and cocktails at Musso + Frank and I told them it was Mike’s birthday, which it is, in a month, and they brought him a brownie with a candle in it. The plates at Musso + Frank have an incredible motto on them. Some place to eat! Way to undersell it, guys. I love anywhere with dark booths and great waiters. The food was perfectly fine and I loved every second.

We walked around the Silver Lake Reservoir and Mike left Books Are Magic stickers along the way, which is a good way to find us if we ever get lost.

Then we drove over to Vidiots to see Jaws, which was perfect, as ever. Richard Dreyfuss was so young! I loved his sweet little body and his hairy chest. Bring back hairy chests, please. Does anyone else find it so weird that all actors now have gleaming, waxed pecs like body builders? What is the point of that? Also, if you live in Los Angeles, Vidiots is showing Josie and the Pussycats today, I believe, or tomorrow, one of the great music movies. If I were staying, I would be there with bells on.

Now we’re off to pick up our children! Is this what it feels like to send your children to sleep away camp? I can’t wait to squeeze them. On the way home, I’m reading Charles Portis’ Dog of the South, with a cover by my friend Tamara Shopsin. What an utter delight. Charles Portis is so hilarious. Highly recommend! Wishing you all a good weekend and that our democracy survives. Sorry for the sharp turn into reality! You were relaxing, vacation!

Any other Portis-heads here? What are your favorite funny novels?