Paperback Feelings
on my paperback pub day
My paperback is out today, and I have been feeling some big feelings. Below please find an assortment of feelings, a clutch of events, a gaggle of hilarious photos, and a link to buy the paperback of my book, as a treat.
Feeling #1: Sadness
This is the big one, really. I’m sad that my book has a new face and a zippy new trim size and that my dad isn’t here to see it. I’m not sad that my dad isn’t here to see my book, that’s a tiny part of it—I’m sad that my dad isn’t here to sit at the table and joke around with my children, and with me. I’m sad that my dad won’t read whatever I write next. God! That is a big one. He was such a good reader—a tough reader—and when he told me that he liked something, I knew that he meant it.
When This Time Tomorrow was published last May, it was special for a million reasons, but one of them was that, for the first time ever, my parents and my children both came to my launch event. My parents had come to every launch I’d ever had, to every reading I ever did in New York City from 1998 until 2020, really, but my kids had been babies, and the pandemic, and and and. I knew it was probably the first and last time I’d have them all there together, and it was. I’m sad that that’s true, even though I saw it coming.
Feeling #2: Anxiety!
One funny side effect to the whole context of the book (and my life) feeling different with the paperback is that unlike all my previous paperback publications, this one comes with ANXIETY! My dear companion. How thrilling! I’m joking. It’s not thrilling. It’s a pain in the ass, to feel anxious about something that is totally beyond one’s control. I couldn’t even tell you exactly what I’m anxious about, in regards to the book—I’m sure it will sell fine, though it is very unlikely to hit the NYT bestseller list, which some of my dear pals are very rudely squatting on, and which Colleen Hoover is absolutely dominating. (My own personal feeling about Colleen Hoover is that she is GREAT because she donated a large sum of money to one of my recent fundraisers, and so she is A++++ in my book.) I think I’m anxious about whether people will find the book—maybe I’m delusional, but I really do think it’s a special one, and pieces like this very very very wonderful piece that ran in the Atlantic today make me think that other people might agree. So if you ever wonder what I’m doing at any given moment, the answer is probably worrying about something.
Feeling #3: Excitement!
Finally, the fun one. Here’s where you’ll get the pictures. Today my mom and I drove all around town, signing books at bookstores and taking photos of the wheat paste posters that Mike and I made.
My mom took this photo on 84th and Broadway, in between my childhood movie theater and French Roast, which was never the preferred place to hang out, because it was too fancy and not disgusting like our favorite diners, but it was open 24/7, which meant that it came in handy very late at night. Right before this photo was taken, my mom and I had Gray’s Papaya for lunch. If this isn’t a photo of a certain kind of perfect satisfaction, I don’t know what it is. I lined up to see Michael Keaton play Batman right here. This is my childhood brought back to life, in electric yellow, saying look at me, look at me!
Since we opened the bookstore, I haven’t gotten around to the other NYC independent bookstores as much as I used to, and it felt so warm and wonderful to pop in to so many places. Above, my mother and Toby, the owner of Three Lives, the absolute platonic ideal of a bookstore. You should go there, if you haven’t.
When I stopped into the new McNally Jackson location in Soho, I talked to Jack and Cheryl. Cheryl used to work at Endicott, my childhood indie bookstore, and she talked about my father, and then we talked about Matt Dillon, who also used to be a regular customer, and whom I had followed around the bookstore, after maybe seeing Drugstore Cowboy at too young an age. Cheryl told me a hilarious story about sitting next to Matt Dillon at a restaurant, and mistaking him for Ethan Hawke, asking him how his novel was going. A++++
When I popped into WORD in Greenpoint, I texted my friend Christine, the owner, and she sent me back this—live security cam footage! I love that you can see that I am acting as comfortable at her bookstore as I am at my own, absolutely delirious at the end of 6 hours of driving around town.
Feeling #4: Gratitude
When my mom got in the car, she presented me with this present. If you have read the book, you know that black cats are important. If you haven’t read the book, you know that chip clips are important. Either way, great present.
Thanks for coming on the tour of my brain. If you’re so inclined, I would be VERY happy (see above anxiety) to see you at one of my upcoming events.
Free and open to everyone:
Lemonade stand! 122 Montague Street, 2-4pm, 5/20!
Things to Buy Tickets For:
Philly/Bucks County! With Kate Baer!
New Jersey! With Marcy Dermansky!
Emma, I read your book about a year ago. My mom had just died, my house burned down, I was big and pregnant with baby number four, terrified and certain the next disaster was around the corner.
Your book was such a balm to my soul. I read it and cried so much and it was so gorgeous. I have recommended it to everyone. I’m really looking forward to buying a copy of the paperback and wearing it out.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. You made my own grief feel not so weird or strange or unsightly. Thank you 💜
You've won my heart Emma, don't stop... whatever it was that made me open this, is there. Figure out what that is and play hell out of it... Mazel tov! Fuzz