Teeth and Fashion by me, an expert

on both teeth and fashion

This morning, one of my children wore a full Atlanta Hawks basketball uniform and a leopard print fleece to school. Astute readers may note that we do not live anywhere near Atlanta. The heart wants what it wants. I would say, I don’t know where he gets it, but I do know where he gets it, it’s from his Teen Beat-loving mother with the fashion sense to look at this trio of items and say yessssss.

My vestibule tiles are filthy but the look is clean clean clean.

Speaking of outfits, here is my new lipstick that I extolled in my last newsletter. I had a meeting with my publisher and needed a Power Outfit and so I wore my new lipstick and a First Cat in Space t-shirt and a houndstooth Rachel Comey blazer I got on the Real Real and none of it really helped me feel powerful, but I did get many many many compliments on my lipstick, so that’s something.

Anyway on to teeth. Aren’t you tired of enormous, perfect, gleaming teeth? If you have veneers, stop reading now. Last year, I was talking to a dad at school that I really adore and he said, do you want to see my pirate tooth? One of his veneers had fallen out and he was on his way to the dentist and he showed me his little matchstick tooth and it did indeed look like it belonged on a pirate, like a miniature peg leg right there in his gum. Ten thousand points to him for showing it to me and laughing, I would have hidden under the bed. But my charming friend aside, in general, I am pro teeth that have a personality. It’s the best thing about Kiera Knightley. Ethan Hawke? Willem Defoe? My absolute queen, Kirsten Dunst? It’s the same way I feel about plastic surgery. Why would you want to look the same as everyone else? When I watch The Traitors, all the women look the same age! I can’t tell if someone is 25 or 50, because they all look like 50 year old women who have had a dozen facelifts! It’s weird. Let’s all enjoy our teeth and faces, okay? You can keep your shiny botox foreheads! (Note: while it’s true that I don’t like a shiny botox forehead, if you have done some non-Botox facial with special space lasers or some terrifying LED mask that you think would make me feel 40 instead of 45, please, let me know.)

Reminder to call your people. It takes three minutes.